The baby blue plated iPhone sat in her desk drawer haunting her as the day continued on. She hid the phone from herself in an attempt to stay focused on work.

Sophie let her forehead rest on the edge of her desk. She tried not to think about how everything could be crumbling all at once. She knew it could be worse, but she could hardly breath.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a coworker lean over her cube with a head lean and quizzical stare. Sophie lifted her head, not taking out her ear buds. She didn’t need any more distractions and for just these few hours she couldn’t hear the world anymore than she should be. She looked at her coworker and shook her head, nodding away any questions and returned to the proposal lit up in front of her.

Nada Surf’s Always Love continued to blare into her ears changing the pace of her heartbeat. Sophie rubbed at her eyes. The clock read 17:30 but she was nowhere near done. She reached into her desk and pulled out the most annoying electronic device ever created.

How is your day going sweetie? He had messaged her about four hours ago. She sarcastically thought about how he had forgotten everything from two nights ago. It’s been crazy busy. What about you?

 She didn’t really want to be seeing him right then. She needed to keep things as bland as possible until she was okay. Paul responded immediately, want me to come make things better? That only ever meant one thing and while Sophie may have let the corner of her lips curl up, she didn’t want anything from him.

I think I’m just going to go home and curl up in bed. No. Please understand that means no. She sat at her computer for another hour, finished Wild Cub’s Thunder Clatter and finally left.

This was one of those days when she had trouble keeping her eyes open during her twenty-minute drive. With the season change, there was no sun glaring at her anymore. Instead, she only saw darkness and sometimes the light from the moon at any point during the day.

She was ready to sleep in her car for the night. She had no motivation to move after she parked her car at her apartment. Near unconsciously she started to move and gather her life out of her car. Her deep red duffle bag, the standard issued laptop bag, and the purse that should contain her identity.

“Hey, hot stuff!” Sophie heard someone scream as she was walking into her building. She ignored the call thinking it was for someone else, but knowing she was the only there. Then it came again. She turned around to identify where the voice was coming from. Who said that anymore, she thought.

Then she saw him. Paul was calling from his passenger side window, parked to the side of her building entrance. She tried to make her painful groan not audible.

As she got closer to the car he appeared to unlock the passenger side and nervously said, “C’mon, get in.”

“Paul,” She looked down at her feet and shifted the bags weighing down on her shoulders, “I told you I just want to go to bed.”

He gave her that sorrow eyed look that shone in the dark sky, “just get in, you won’t regret it. I promise you will get enough sleep.”

Her sarcastic thoughts floated in her head again, really because that’s not what happened the other night with all the talking. But she was too exhausted to argue with him. She threw her bags in the backseat and got in the car as he had pleaded.

It took everything in her to not lean her head against the window and shut her eyes, “Where are we going?” she asked while staring out the windshield.

“You’ll see.” He took a deep breathe as though there was more to go with that statement.

They sat in silence for the fifteen-minute drive north. Paul turned off the car in the vacant lot of the park. The park had space for many different activities and concerts. But it was jungle gym where they shared their first kiss four years ago.

When Sophie realized where they were she sat up in the leather bucket seat and turned her head towards Paul, “what are we doing here,” her voice gaining energy in the question.

“Remember that asking question thing. Just get out.” He started to get out of the car and waited at the front for her to meet him. When she became too anxious and wound up in life she would take away his ability to surprise her. She tried to control every little part of her life instead of accepting the help and care that was around her. He was losing patience.

She walked down the short steep hill to the mulch and swing-set with him. She looked around dumbfounded, not sure what do to in this moment.

Paul studied her searching around. He let out one little laugh and grabbed her wrist dragging her over to a tree in the corner of the playground. He lightly pushed her back into the tree and placed his hands on either side of her as though he was hugging the tree.

She was forced to look at him. She wanted away. She couldn’t think. She wanted nothing. He stopped everything.

He leaned down. His lips were only matters of air space away from hers. She started to let go of some of her tension. He was letting seconds pass. The pull between them too strong to not feel.

He moved his palms to the bottom of her jaw tilting her head up towards him. Paul pulled away wanting to look at her again. He wanted to see the pain and the vulnerability in her eyes. He needed to know that even if things were hard she was going to let him in.

Her eyes weakened in the stare they shared and began to well. He brought his fingers to the bottom of her chin and with the lightest touch brought his lips to meet hers.

Her bottom lip quivered. He strengthened his grasp on her lips wetting them in the process. Sophie placed her hands just beneath his chest in the same way she pushed him away previously, but loosened her grip and smoothed her hands around to his back.

He let his weight fall into her as she was held up by the tree. He softly kissed her, tracing the way she moved her lips making sure every inch was embraced. His hands remained holding her head. Only his thumbs had moved to stroke the length of her neck.

He wanted her, but he wanted to give her what she needed. He started to drag his head away. She followed him trying to keep the kiss going. She understood though and leaned her head back against the tree not opening her eyes.

He took her in. Her lips swollen from even just the lightest work. “I’m sorry,” he let out the words in the quiet of the night. Sophie balanced her head and looked at him with forgiveness not saying a word. She tightened the fists she held in the back of his shirt and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

They held each other against the tree letting the empty sound in the darkness bring them back to a place of calm. He kissed her once more. He held his lips on hers without movement. Only the strength they laid upon each other and feeling that nothing mattered but the comfortable silence. They felt each other, speaking through the kiss, holding tight.

 

Originally Published: November 15, 2015